Alright friends, I want to start today off with a multiple-choice question.
After a breakup is it best to:
a. dive into a new person and let them consume you
b. avoid any type of actual emotion by casually dating everyone
c. go back to a person that makes things feel comfortable
d. avoid any type of actual emotion by signing up for everything
Give that some thought & we will come back to it.
Relationships and love can be such a magical, pure thing. And really, that’s the goal. But they can also lead you into a loop of numb & colorless existence. Being with the wrong person can cause you to doubt yourself and your ability to feel happy. Because there are times where we are impatient or insecure, we will date the wrong people.
The good news is that if you are with the wrong person, or just left the wrong person, you are at the perfect place to start the most incredible journey. Heartbreak is one of the deepest and consuming pains I’ve felt in my life. But healing from heartbreak has led to some of the deepest and most consuming feelings of happiness.
I’ve been through a few relationships, and believe it or not, none of them taught me to be okay alone. I never learned to love myself, push my limits, have faith or discover my passions. Luckily, I have also been through a few breakups and those little devils are baptism by fire when it comes to self-improvement. It took me years to realize how beautiful and transformational a break up could be.
Honestly, the multiple-choice trick question was really just a list of ways I’ve avoided dealing with my feelings. While they all seemed like magic in the moment, band aids don’t fix bullet holes (Thanks T Swift).
Filling the holes left from a heartbreak with comfort items prevents you from feeling as deeply. Refusing to feel something like pain makes it harder to feel things like happiness and love as well. The more we try to block what we are feeling, the more we disconnect.
For me feeling disconnected and incomplete caused me to search for people who would help me to feel connected and whole again. I wasn’t looking for a person to share my life with, I was looking for people who would give me a life. And I found other people who were looking for a life as well. We relied way too much on each other and prevented each other from ever truly hitting rock bottom, we never had to face growth or pain.
Once I finally broke the cycle of needing someone 24/7 the world opened up and suddenly I saw the beauty in creating a relationship with yourself.
Learning to be fulfilled without romantic love is such a beautiful journey. It has given me a new patience in lovethat I hope enables my next relationship to shatter dimensions with its strength and beauty. I am grateful for everything dating has taught me and for the chance to become stronger than I ever knew I could be.
For those out there who believe in a higher power, allowing yourself to develop a relationship with it while you are single is another incredible thing. Allow it to be there when you feel lonely or alone. Look for things that bring his peace into your life.
Drawing nearer to Christ, God, Source etc is something you can do at any stage of your life, but there has been something especially intimate and special for me about doing it while I have so much more time and energy.
Never forget you are worth so much and always remember you are loved. You are worthy and important and someday you will find that person who lets you be your best self. Focus on learning who that best self is, and work on becoming them so that when the time comes you are ready to grow together.
Love you all so much!